Thursday, 2 January 2014

A different life

My name was Colin. I lived a life of conflict both in my working life and my private life. I was always the hard bastard, the guy people wanted to fight in a pub. I suppose that’s why I joined the military. If I was going to fight I wanted to be paid, the Army paid me! They didn’t know what hit them. Even the SAS struggled to control me.

That is why people were surprised when I told them. The conflict in my private life had been there as long as I can remember. Despite the fighting, the boozing and the womanizing I was in turmoil. I was fighting the world and his cousin because it was a good cover for the real reason. Inside - I was fighting me! The drugs were just another problem only less so.

The Army used me as long as they could cope with the hassle then they cast me adrift when the time was right. It was a sniper bullet that broke my leg and I was never able to get back to full fitness. I suppose I was lucky the leg didn’t come off.

I was angry I tried to fight back but I fought the wrong people. I stole from the local drug dealers, not a good idea. I pushed my friends away and my family further still. I was me and I was not going to let go. I trampled over everyone. I killed (the Army taught me well) one local baddie who want to put me down. When the police came one night I put three of them in hospital. There was an element of danger in everything I did. I didn’t care what others wanted they were just in the way so they got trampled.

It would only change if I fessed up to who I was. I started to change my style, slowly changing my complete wardrobe. The fighting stopped the ridicule I didn’t look hard in my new clothes but if anyone said a word they would go home with their nose spread across their face. The longer I was in my new clothes the softer I got. Slowly the fighting stopped. I could still fight, but I didn’t like to. It was hard to fight in heels.

My name is now Clarissa. I went to see a councellor about my situation, she spoke about gender reallocation. I was happy in my new wardrobe but gender reallocation was not for me. I need to get away. A new life could be found if I got away.